Well that is what my sister, the nurse practitioner, says. Ibuprofen + Benadryl + saline drops + breathing treatment, no problem! What the hell else am I to do when my kid has a nonstop four-pack-a-day smoker’s cough? Per my sister, dope your seal-child with minimal guilt.
As of late, my Rugrats have been sick with You Name It. Influenza A, despite the getting the flu vaccine. Croup, ear infection, fever, cough. Yes, your heart should pain when one of your precious angels is not feeling well, but this blog is about YOU, my dear AWM, and your raggedy-ass feelings, OK?
INTERNAL DIALOGUE OF AWM, WHEN FACED WITH SICK KID:
*The kid doesn’t have fever, just worked up from the 30 minute crying jag.
*This thermometer has got to be broken.
*Maybe a little Motrin to take the edge off.
*Let’s see how he feels in the morning.
*Maybe a little more Motrin while I drop you off at school and cut to this meeting.
*I can’t miss work!
*Can’t he stay at school until the after-hours clinic is open?
*Why don’t they serve cocktails at the after-hours clinic?
**Why can’t that woman at least dress presentably at the clinic? Her ass wasn’t at work all day.
**Why does she have to bring two other kids with her who are obviously not sick?
*Why don’t they serve snacks at the after-hours clinic?
*Can’t I just get a hot doctor? Is that too much to ask?
*Just HOW contagious is this?
*Can’t you just give him a shot? I can’t keep up with 10 days worth of medication.
*When can he go back to school?
*How many bottles Children’s Motrin do I have to guzzle to get a buzz?
*Really, he’s not afraid of needles. Just give him a shot.
*Do you have any snacks in here? No, for me.
*Do you have any medication samples? I don’t want to go to the pharmacy.
*When can he go back to school, again?
It ain’t right, it’s just the truth. Now I have a cough, congestion, aches. I guess it is my payback.
**IN YO’ FACE: Oh sure, in my bitterness I have scowled at parents who showed up at the dr. office looking like they just rolled out of bed. I’m here in heels and a suit, after working all day, can't you at least groom? And this place is packed, why bring the rest of your tribe? Until…I had to bring one kid in for a quick procedure while I was on maternity leave. Oh, I paid mightily. I had drag my two other kids along (“Don’t touch anything!!!”). I wore baggy ass maternity sweatpants and a no-wash ponytail. The doctor was a grouchy and indifferent substitute. All I can say is, grab the Miracle Whip, as you soon will be eating most of your bitchy AWM observations.
