Thursday, August 11, 2011

STUPID SHIT I HAD TO THROW IN MY PURSE THIS MORNING TO GET ME THROUGH THE DAY

1.      $4800 CASH TO DEPOSIT—DON’T ASK

2.       WHITE ENVELOPE FOR THE $4800 CASH
3.       FLIP FLOPS (FOR POST-WORK PEDI)

4.      FLIP FLOPS (FOR BABY GIRL’S POST-WORK PEDI)

5.       TUITION BILL

6.      GIANT FOLDER WITH COLLEGE STUFF TO HELP ME FIGURE OUT TUITION BILL, INCLUDING INDECIPHERABLE SCRIBBLINGS FROM PRIOR PHONE CONVERSATIONS WITH STUDENT ACCOUNTS

7.      CHECKBOOK, TO BE BALANCED AFTER I PAY THE DANG TUITION BILL

8.       CONTACT LENS CASE, TO PLACE CONTACTS IN DURING WORK DAY.  EYEBALL FEELS INFECTED. TOO SUNNY TO WEAR GLASSES OUTSIDE.  AND TOO UGLY.

9.       UGLY GLASSES TO WEAR DURING WORK DAY.  INSIDE ONLY.  WITH DOOR SHUT. 

10.   THREE, COUNT ‘EM, THREE BIRTHDAY PARTY INVITATIONS FOR MY TODDLER TWINS. THAT I WILL DECLINE.  REGRETTABLY.
11.  EMPTY BOX FROM PRESCRIPTION, SO I CAN CALL IN MY REFILL (“APPLY TO AFFECTED AREA”—THAT’S ALL YOU’RE GETTING ON THAT TOPIC)

How do men get through the day?  No self-respecting man I know would dare carry a Man-Bag with these items.  So what the hell? Certainly they don’t try to get this done after Standard Work Hours.  Do they just overdraw, squint, and scratch?  I reckon.  Huh.