I haven’t posted in a while, been in trial out of county. And, you see, THERE IS NOBODY BUSIER THAN ME. NOBODY. I fall flat on my sagging ass in most of my endeavors, so I have to feel superior about something. In the World Series of Busy AWM Poker, I’ve got the Royal Flush.
Four kids, full-time job, what husband? EMBA. My turn. Date night? Lonely bed. Who’re you? Wall Street Journal. Study Team. Skype. Lock-down. Isolation chamber. Noise canceling. Cold food. Loud shoes. Light OFF! China trip. TEN days??? Too tired. Try tomorrow. It happens. Senior year. Cap & gown. Invitations. Applications. 1040. W-2. Another check? Tickets. Limo. Tuxedo. Curfew. Debate. No later. Prom date. Condoms? Denial? Who’s there, what did you do? College apps. FAFSA! On time! Toddler twins. Potty training. Mystery puddle. Germ factory. Fecal matter. Temper tantrum. Nanny! Pull-ups. Come here! Did you wipe? Wash your hands. Not now! Mine! Please share! Don’t hit! I’m wet! Eat that. Not that! Get in! Get out! Persistent whimpering. Bedtime schizophrenia. Rock me! Melatonin. Public meltdown. Whose kid? Nap time. Little Einstein. Crapapalooza. No wipes. Skid mark. Stain remover. No dessert! Where’s your fork? Don’t throw! Backpack. Dance class. Dry clothes. Show & Tell. I forgot. Dang! Grab something. Anything! Croup. Xoponex. Dope up. Big Boy! Big Girl! 99.5??? No way. Waiting room. Cooties. Co-pay!
Second grade. Conduct sheet. “Satisfactory?” Pull a card. Reading log. Fund raiser. Paper towel tubes. Field Day. Integers. Less than. Lunch money. Mystery Reader. Class snack. First Communion. Blue blazer. Bring your book. I don’t know why. Trust me. Finish that. Take a shower. Brush your teeth. No homework? Recorder squeeeek! Protective cup. Uniform. It’s clean. Get a ride. Field trip. I can’t. Next time. Sending check. Snack Mom. Kroger! What are you doing? Brush your TEETH! Oil change. Late ass. Senseless crying. High heels. Milk stain. No lipstick. Coffee, coffee! Pantyhose? Out the door: purse, breakfast, lunch, jacket, files, backpacks, extra milk, wipes, keys, phone, alarm ON! Trial suit, Trial wig. My Fit. Shaun T. Housekeeper pregnant. No milk. Tide Pen! Deadline. Cross exam. Exhibit sticker. I’m ready. Traffic! Politicking. Rear-ended. Air bag. How much? Discover points? Deductible. Rental car. Dodge Neon! Sunday Mass. RCIA. Ceiling hole. No phone. No internet. Leaking faucet. Service call. Bonus? 529? 401k? SEP? Shooting. Call-outs. I’m awake. Don’t say anything. I’m coming. What street? What time? Who’s this?
So keep trying, fellow AWM’s, but you will never be busier than me. No one. No way. Can’t be. Nuh-uh. Get lost. Eff you. Ain’t happening. Keep dreaming. You wish. Poser. My ass. No day. Nice try. Keep talking. HA! Bitch, pleeez. Aim high. Don’t even. Not likely. For real. Shut up! So lame. All mine. You jest. B-team. Move on. Take a hike. No game. Ahhh ya mama. Likely story. Dream on. Just wrong. No pity. U crizazy. Cheap talk. Bite me. Bullshit. You lie. Ridiculous. You can’t. Pure fiction. Sez who? No kidding. As if! Clue in. Oh hale no! What? Eh? I win. You lose.
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