Now I don’t work in a canning factory, or a place where I gotta punch a time clock, but there is an expectation that I arrive “on or about” a certain time in the morning. However, I am prone to thinking that if the first number of the time you actually arrive is the same as the first number of time you are expected to arrive, you are “on time” enough. I mean, what is the big friggin’ difference between 8:00 and 8:48, really? Details.
My office-mates are actually quite understanding about my tardy-ish arrivals. Alas, I realize some AWM’s may not have this good fortune. How to avoid the sideways glances and smirks from your co-workers and/or supervisors? Now you can take the sneaky route, and try to slink in crouched down behind a rolling supply cart. Or continually leave your office light on and a jacket slung around the back of your chair, giving the impression you are present, just currently out of the office. Other suggested props: half-empty coffee mug, open folders, crumpled food wrappers. Yet, dear AWM’s, I beg of you, be not so covert and furtive. I suggest you make your entrance with such fanfare that all present will be so distracted that time and its petty restraints will be immediately forgotten. Breeze in, and try the following forms of diversion:
*Start spreading the compliments like confetti: “Love that keyboard tie, Ken!” “Those harem pants look great on you, Daphne!” “Would you call that shirt lilac or mauve, Eddie? It’s totally you.”
*Start asking about personal endeavors/family: “So how did Les Jr.’s oboe recital go last night?” “Are you ready for the big cross-country minivan trip with your mother-in-law next week, Marge?” “You tell your wife that the Frito Caramel Dip she sent yesterday was the best I’ve ever eaten, Ed!”
*Wear a cute new outfit yourself. Buy several, keep the tags intact and concealed, return item to the store immediately thereafter.
*Or a quizzically ugly one. Shirts with wings, prairie skirts, hand-knitted ponchos, all highly recommended. They will be too bamboozled to comment on your tardiness.
*Pull the fire alarm outside the door before you walk in. Oh, not really.
*Pretend to be on a very important, mildly terrifying, cell phone call as you walk in. Key comments to make into empty line: “What do you mean it won’t stop hemhorraging??? , “Look, roll it up in a rug, wait until it's dark, and dump it off of a bridge, for crying out loud!”, “If we get him into counseling immediately, we might be able to avoid any criminal charges!” Go directly to your office and shut the door, pretending to continue the conversation. They key is to appear too damn scary to be interrupted and reminded that you are late.
*Or the be-all and end-all of late office entry diversion: BRING DONUTS!
These techniques can be rotated on a weekly basis. Maybe bring kolaches every now and then to mix things up. Regardless, you may find that no one really expects you to be on time. And you will probably be late tomorrow, anyway.
For future refrence..I prefer the donut tactic. lol
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